I am a very spontaneous person and always on the go with a lot of energy. Im very easy to talk to and also have been told what a great listener I am. Looking for a trustworthy and honest girl to share my life with and become the best of friends. She needs to be emotionally available and ready for a caring and honest man . People tell me that I can make any body fill comfortable in any type of setting. I need to have that physical and emotion attraction towards someone. It would be great to find someone that has the same interests and goals but not totally necessary. If there is some interest than let me no so we do not have to waste an other day with out getting to know each other
How sex starts i shud no
how sex starts ….a smile leads to a laugh ….a laugh leads to a high five ….a high five leads to a hug ….a hug leads to a kiss ….a kiss leads to a makeout ….a makeout leads to finger ….a finger leads to a hand ….a hand leads to a lick ….a lick leads to a suck ….a suck leads to a **** So tell me how many people are you gonna smile at after you heard this cuz sex is like maths. …u add the bed …subtract the clothes …divide the legs …leave your solution …and pray you dont multiplyBelieve it or not, Woman has man in it. Mrs has Mr in it. Female has male in it. She has he in it. Madam has Adam in it. No wonder men always want to b inside a women! Me are born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life tryin to go back between the legs of a woman! Why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!
But notice how all womens problems start with men? MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnecologist and….when we have REAL trouble its a HISterectomy!! LOL
I’m going to start at the end with this chap. “LOL” is NEVER to be used in a dating profile. If it’s funny, you don’t haven’t to signal the humor with it. If you do, backspace!
There’s just too much going on here to even dissect it. I’ll save that for future posts. Here’s some general commentary:
The first paragraph, while poorly written and uninteresting, is really not all that bad, as first paragraphs go. Trust me, I’ve read thousands of guys’ ads. But starting in the second paragraph, this thing becomes a muther-luvin trainwreck.
I’ll tell you what you should know, Benji, it’s how to spell “should know”. Spell checkers have been available for–what–two decades now? When you’re writing an ad, NEVER type it directly into the form on the dating website page. First, you’ll feel pressured to hurry up and get it done, especially if it’s one that has a time limit for you to write. Write your ad in Word or the Open Office Writer program, or whatever you have that has a spellcheck. Then use it.
Typing, about sex, “i shud no,” says, “I don’t know anything about anything”. This guy may be the most amazing lover on the planet, but no self-respecting woman would ever actually believe him. It’s like when someone says, “trust me.” Here’s a tip to use throughout your life: if someone says, “trust me,” don’t!
Benji is a sad specimen. He tries to come off as funny and charming. But he reads like an unintelligent asshole.
Just to kick the wounded, here’s his description of a first date:
Meet somewhere nice for a drink and a chat. Move on to a nice restaurant for an impressive meal, which needn’t be expensive, but will not have me spending the morning glued to the toilet!
After dinner, a nice wine bar for a fondle. Back to yours for the promise of freaky sex with your hand cuffs and your sexy outfit.
Blind-fold you and tie you to the bed….(.you wished)
Then rifle through your belongings, steal your cash.
All completed in time for me to get home and watch a bit of TV before bed.
Oh, and I’ll phone you for a second date to test your bravery!
I’ve had friends ask me: “Why did you write this?” “Isn’t writing ads simple?” “Who needs this that you would bother making it for sale?”
Benji needs my help, damn it. I’m sure Benji is a nice guy. In fact, reading between the lines, I say he’s a real sweetheart who thinks he *should* sound like a dog.
To my friends who questioned why I’m doing this, and to Benji, and to all the others out there who might sound like him, I have two tips for today:
- NEVER talk about sex in your personal ad unless you’re writing in the intimate encounters area; and,
- NEVER have the word “toilet” anywhere in any personal ad, ever.
Bonus tip: Never threaten to tie her up and steal her cash.
Bad Benji. Bad dog, Benji! Go home!
